Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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