I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
