girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize