hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
