What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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