i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
