I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
