Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Found the puke drawer
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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