She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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