come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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