Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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