Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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