My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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