My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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