Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
