I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
