is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
