My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
