Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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