I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
