If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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