That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had to cum in my sink.
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