it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
