dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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