Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
