I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
