the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
