I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
