Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
