I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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