my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Porn is love you can see.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
