The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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