It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
