he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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