He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
