Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
