I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
