You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
