She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How external is "for external use only"?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
