that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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