im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
