I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
