the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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