I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
