you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
