I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
