Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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