Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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