I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
