it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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