So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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