You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
