I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
