My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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