My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
