Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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