Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
