I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize