are you still at the devil's house?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize