i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
